But I still make excuses, too. 

Actually, no. I'm not even going to make excuses now. Just call this a semi-hiatus, I suppose, because it's taking me a while to adjust and make friends and such. Even though I've found a few groups that seem to accept me, there's a difference between being accepted and making friends among the groups.

Sorry. I'm trying to comment every once in a while, but I really only check my friends page every few days (and obviously never update), so I'll try to make an effort when I can.

Though I fear that it may be in vain. I have immersed myself in The Wheel of Time series again, since I haven't gotten around to reading the most recent book, and oh my God it looks like the freaking Bible.

I'm a fast reader, but seriously? It's enormous. (That's what she said. *SHOT*)

I'll take today to read over my flist and try to comment on everyone's.

I hate being pressured to do things I don't want to do. It makes me go even further from the direction the person wants me to go.
I hate feeling closed in, like I've been forced to do something that I really don't want to, and knowing that there is absolutely nothing to stop it, no matter what I do.
I hate that they'll all be disappointed in me if I stay, because I can't meet all the expectations. I'm not a leader. I never was, never wanted to be. There are some that are leaders, some that are followers. That's the way it is. If everyone is a leader, who will follow them?
I hate having my beliefs and morals questioned. Just because someone is so much more pious and self-righteous than 'unworthy, heathen' me doesn't mean that they can tell me I'm wrong. Maybe they're the ones that are wrong, but they just can't see it because they can't stand the thought of being in error. Therefore, they make themselves God, make themselves perfect, in order to make the rest of us inferior so they have a reason to question us.

I have my own opinion, despite what others think. I have things to say, but I might not say them because I don't want to start anything. If they weren't so blind, they could see that I'm not just some doll they can shape into whatever they want.

We were writing sonnets in school. The Petrarchan ones didn't go so well. The teacher said that they were usually about love. So, I wrote one about love, and gave my very honest opinion.

I do not wish for raindrops on roses,
Nor do I wish for pure-sugar lyrics
So pointless and blatantly satiric.
I do not want a voice which opposes.
I do not want a ring that proposes.
Why do I not want verses so Pyrrhic?
To not float beyond all stratospheric?
I’d rather face what’s under our noses.
You call it love, but I’ll stick to my words
Of non-fairytales, and soft, nuanced verbs;
Remove from me, all your clichéd feelings!
Not for the lovesick and strung-out lovebirds;
Not for emotion which breaks and perturbs!
Spare me your banal and irksome dealings!

Mr. Glasspell thought I was being 'cryptic' and wrote on my page that my future husband will probably have a difficult time pleasing me. I don't think he liked my sonnet very much, even though I did get 95%. >8D

I am not a stereotype, I am a human being with a name. I am not a cliche or something you can label, I am an individual with an opinion and a mind. I am not a doll that you can dress up on a whim and shove into any role you want.

I am not "the acting girl." I am not the "English geek." I am not the "writing girl" that you look to for an idea, a synonym, or a three-syllable adjective because your brain lacks the capacity to conjure one yourself. Maybe if you'd actually look past all of your stupidity for a moment, you'd see that I am actually not okay with you just assuming that I'll agree with whatever you say or do whatever you ask of me. I am not an idiot; I can see you're just manipulating me, trying to make me into your puppet. Well, manipulation can work two ways, and a puppet's strings can always tangle.

Just open your eyes for once and pay attention. Maybe then, you'd catch the hints I keep throwing so obviously in front of you. Since when was everyone so stupid? I'm not even trying to be subtle anymore, because you still don't see it no matter how completely evident it is. I hate this. And believe me, that's nothing small. It takes a lot to make me hate something.

TL;DR I'm not your puppet. Deal with it.

So I joined NaNoWriMo on a whim. Joined on the day it started.

...I think I'm losing it, and I'm not even finished the first week.

My characters are devouring my soul. The words don't even make sense anymore. My math homework is collecting dust. I am laughing at nothing in particular.

...How that's different from what I'm usually like, I don't know.

Is this slightly Remembrance-day like? I think it's called Veterans Day over in America.

I have to write a Shakespearean sonnet for English. The topic is remembrance. I know I screwed up the 10-syllable thing in the second line, but you know. ~ARTISTIC LEEWAY~

Butterflies whisper on a broken breeze,
Rustling wings of scarlet, bathed in crimson dreams.
Will we remember this cold black disease?
Can we recall all your blood-tortured screams?
War is a grim and dark occupation;
How long can we remain in denial?
Filled with the shrieks of stale expectation,
When will we break past sordid Belial?
Love is a dream that knows not suppression
And war is a nightmare, only knows hate.
Hold for my country, pain and succession;
Kill for the peace of a rust-coated fate.
A history still remembered today,
Lives crushed and lost, gunshots clearing the way.